a tribute

Say what you will, but Michael Jackson did know how to make music. And I have, like, some pretty awesome memories of listening to him. My all-time favorite song of his is The Way You Make Me Feel. The girls and I listened (and danced - tell me, how can you not?) to it all morning. And I still crank up Man in the Mirror every single time I hear it. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that I am sad today. But I am. And it felt just plain wrong to not give my own small tribute to the King of Pop.

permission slip

Amelia asks me what I want to be when I grow up, and I'm pretty sure I know the answer, but the more I obsess about that, the more frustrated and impatient I become at where I am now: a stay-at-home mom with two beautiful and fast-growing girls. So I decided the other day to give myself a sort of permission slip. This "permission slip" states that I give myself permission to continue to dream and desire. Permission to know what it is I feel God calling me to do, and to continue to make steps (albeit small) towards that calling. But even more, I give myself permission to enjoy and live today. To do what God has put right in front of me and to be passionate, truly passionate, about being a mom, loving those around me, being here...right now. I give myself permission to stop being jealous when someone else is (my silly interpretation here) living my dream or having some perceived greater impact or just doing things better than I feel like I'm doing. I don't want to live someone else's life, I want to live mine, and I want to live it in freedom and in joy and truth. And I know, I know, that someday soon I will give anything to see those little bodies running in the backyard, to hear their voices filling our home, to feel them crawl into bed with me in the wee hours of the morning. I know I will continue to struggle, to feel trapped at times, to be frustrated, but I know that already I feel lighter and a new sense of freedom: freedom from the expectations I have put on myself and freedom in believing God has me right where He wants me. And I'll keep reminding myself over and over until I finally get it.

the great getaway

We took a spur-of-the-moment family vacation to our favorite spot: San Clemente, California. It pretty much consisted of the ocean, the pool, eating and sleeping. All things I dearly love. I wouldn't exactly say we caught up on sleep or that Justin and I got a lot of time alone, but more importantly we did rest, we made some precious memories, and we laughed and played together. Hopefully it goes without saying, but I really do love my little family.

and now, I'm over it

It has now been snowing and snowing for over 24 hours. Wet, heavy, dangerous snow that threatens to break all the tree branches and ruins all the budding daffodils and tulips. As of this morning, our streets have not been plowed so I'm pretty sure we are snowed in. The positive is everyone on our street is out shoveling and talking and helping each other and I'm sure all the kids will be playing together later this morning. Our neighbors even called us over last night for drinks and our first Wii experience (I beat Justin in bowling, not that it matters). There is something about a big snow that brings a neighborhood together. The negative is that I feel claustrophobic, the girls are already fighting, and we were supposed to be headed this very moment to visit some dear friends for the day. Not to mention it's the end of April and it was 70 degrees last week. So...disregard my last post. The snow? I am so over it.